This collection of more than one thousand raunchy jokes and funny poems, formatted especially for your Kindle, is easily the best pocket change you'll ever spend on anything, except for maybe some sort of medication that helps keep you alive. Here are some examples of the over one thousand (did we mention there are over 1000?) gems included in this ebook: I wrote a book about menopause, but it is hard to understand because it doesn't have any periods. When the old gypsy cursed me, I laughed in her face. I'm not laughing now, because when she saw me laugh she beat the crap out of me. I was addicted to nicotine gum, chewing three packs a day. So in order to ween myself off, I started smoking. Whenever I go fishing, I'm reminded of an old girlfriend. Her name was Annette. She also had a sister, named Smallmouth Bass. I'll never forget what my grandfather used to say. I would sit on his lap and he would yell, "Fatty buttocks! Fatty Buttocks!" at the top of his lungs. I guess I never really understood my grandfather. My parents didn't, either. That's probably why they put him away. Yes, believe it or not, there really is a blue six foot chicken named Pepe living in my bedroom closet. Either that or it's the drugs. It's much easier to differentiate between a cabbage and a lettuce if you give them names, like Shelly or Jockmo. Instead of "Mothers Day" how about "Sexy Virgins Day?" It can be nine months earlier. I never claimed to be a genius. Well, except on that billboard I rented. I remember Mom's signature dish. She called it Pork Surprise. It was just a big bowl of dirt with some clumps of weeds in it. When we asked where the pork was, she'd yell: "There's no pork... surprise!" It's not fun watching a grown man cry. Unless you have a comfy chair to sit in, and maybe some snacks. Besides the jokes, there is also absurdly bad poetry, such as: WHY THE FLOOR IS WET I pissed, And I missed. JEFF No one likes, My cousin Jeff, He's a nice guy, But has bad breff. GRANDMA My Grandma wears a diaper, I really hate to wipe her. I LOST MY SQUIRREL I lost my squirrel! I lost my squirrel! It just fell off, now I'm a girl! FORTY DAYS AND FORTY NIGHTS Why is it raining? I don't Noah. GIANT HOG There is a giant hog, Who lives in my garage, But I never see him, Because he uses hamoflage. DOING TIME Prison gave me acne, So I broke out. HUNGRY GUY I ate the parrot, And didn't share it. THE PILL Mary is on the pill, But it plagues her with doubt, Whenever she has sex, The pill just falls right out. Plus hundreds more bad poems, most of them too filthy to be printed here."
Author : J. Andrew Haknort Release : 2012-01-17 Publisher : CreateSpace ISBN : 9781463643607 File Size : 68.57 MB Format : PDF, Kindle Download : 358 Read : 946